Last Sunday I watched the Super Bowl over at one of Joe’s cousins’ house, and man, was that a great game! I’ve always loved watching the Vikings (well, correction, I’ve always been a Viking fan, I haven’t always loved watching them), but this past year, thanks to joining a fantasy league, my love has expanded to all of pro football! I’ve watched more football the past 6 months than I probably have my entire life. And even though my fantasy team was doing just fine for most of the season until the third to last week when EVERYONE decided to get hurt, I still love watching a good game of football. I don’t care how unexciting the first half of the Patriots-Giants game was, those last 3 minutes were amazing! Gotta love upsets! Dang… I did feel bad for Moss though. Something about that guy, his immaturity, bad temper, lack of respect, something does it for me. haha I wanted him to win a ring. Oh well. I guess I don’t feel that bad. I was more excited that Eli didn’t fall apart again with his brother at the game. How cute though! Big bro wins last year, little bro this year. Peyton was so proud! You could see it in his face. Aww you can’t deny that that was just lovely! Haha Ok…
I totally did not mean to spend a whole paragraph on football. I only brought up the Super Bowl to say that I’ve been quite amused lately with the constant reminders that keep popping up that seem to say, “HAHA you’re leaving SOOO SOON!” For example, like I said, I was watching the Super Bowl, and every time a movie preview came on and I followed with, “Oooooh that looks sweet! I wanna see that!” the date it hits theaters would flash across the screen and EVERY SINGLE movie was coming out after I leave. Argh! Another example, I get weekly emails with concert updates about shows coming to Minneapolis. I think I need to unsubscribe. I keep opening them up, getting excited and then notice they are scheduled for after I leave. Not that I would even go anyway, because I can never afford it, BUT the point is it feels like leaving keeps getting rubbed in my face. I mean, c’mon, it’s going to be hard enough as it is, why is it necessary to keep reminding me while I’m busy purposefully trying to make it the farthest thought in my mind. Ah well, I guess that’s life. And time I suppose. As cool as it would be for time to stop when I leave and pick up again when I come back, I have yet to master that ability.
Anyway, so a few of my other complaints from this past week have included finding out that it will be the beginning of winter when I arrive in Botswana in April. Well, actually, I knew it was going to be winter, but I thought, pfh! I’m from Minnesota, bring it! Well I read a blog entry from a PC volunteer who has been in Botswana for 3 years now and she said it can actually get pretty chilly, especially depending on where you live in the country. Chilly like need a fleece jacket, shiver in bed wishing you had more blankets, etc. Ah man, figures, right when it’s starting to get warm again, I get to go through another 2 months of blah weather. Who’s the lucky girl? This girl right here!
There’s quite a range of feelings involved with leaving. Whenever I have one of those moments when I realize I won’t be around for something and I get disappointed, I have to remind myself that I AM coming back. Sometimes I get so carried away with leaving that I forget it’s not forever! Haha eesh… Other times I forget all together that I’m even leaving. Perhaps my most common feeling about not only leaving, but going into Peace Corps in general, has been frustration. For me there was this persistent urge to “move on” from college life and start building a solid life here with a full-time job and a place with a decent-sized kitchen with cupboards and counter space. There are tons of things I want to do, but figure it isn’t worth it if I’m not going to be around for long. Even things like buying simple kitchen utensils. What’s the point if I’m only going to use them for a couple of months and then have to find a place to store everything for 2 and a half years? Today I actually confirmed to myself that my first purchase once I get back from the Peace Corps is going to be a spice rack. I’ve wanted one for a long time, but again, just doesn’t make sense to buy one now. This really isn’t that big of a deal, I know. I clearly can live without the finer things in life. I’m just saying it for the sake of getting it down in writing and acknowledging it as a feeling I’ve experienced along the way. In fact, I am very excited about having my own little house in Botswana. I can’t wait to “home it out.” And most volunteers grow gardens so I’m looking forward to that, too.
Believe it or not, I have been trying to stay positive about some of the things I will miss. I like to think of it as similar to going to a pot luck and the anxiety that ensues. Maybe it’s just me, but I just about have an anxiety attack every time I’m in the back of a buffet line and I’m worried I might not get any, or at least all the good stuff will be gone. It’s quite ridiculous, but whatever, that’s sort of how I’ve been living my life the past month. I tried to hold it off as long as possible because really, it can’t be healthy, but inevitably, it’s begun and I panic every now and then that there’s not enough time, or I never got a chance to do blahblahblah, or probably the most popular reaction is overindulgence. (This is the part where I think I’ve remained relatively positive about things. I’m “savoring” things instead of dwelling… right?) I heard cheese is tough to come by so I’ve been putting cheese on everything. I heard hot showers are a rarity, so I’ve been taking extra hot, extra long showers. I hear multiple salad ingredients, not so much. I’ve been making some bomb ass salads as a result. If Botswana is anything like Ghana (ironically Ghana happens to be one of the leading countries for exporting cocoa), it’ll be my lucky day if I come across some chocolate and you can bet your ass it won’t be dark (my fav :( )! So of course, knowing this, my sweet tooth has tripled and ohhh man, it’s not good. Anyway, you get my point.
Well I think that’s everything I scribbled down over the past two weeks that I’ve complained about and is PC-related. I don’t mean for any of this to sound like I’m ungrateful for what I have now, or what I will have in Botswana. I can promise you now there will be far more positive posts to come than ones like this. This is just the reality of my feelings as April 16th draws closer. And they probably sound worse when they’re listed all back to back instead of being strewn across a week or so. Or maybe that’s just what I’m telling myself so I don’t feel so guilty. ;) Eh.
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